Sauna time, and the visions come streaming . . . (sung to the tune of Summertime)

I walked cheerfully to our picnic bench and greeted the Lord.

“Breathe deeply,” he told me.  “Take a deep breath and let it fill you.”

I did. I took a couple of them, slowly inhaling, slowly exhaling.  “That feels so good,” I said, taking one more.

“That’s what it feels like to breathe freely, with your whole body,” he said.

I suddenly sensed where this was going.  “You mean instead of breathing while simultaneously sucking in your gut and trying to look . . . less fat?”   I’d long gotten past trying to look skinny.  That has never been in the realm of possibilities.  Now just looking a little less fat was my goal.  You know how it is – well maybe you know.  It’s like when someone is taking your picture and you want to look good.  So you straighten up, bring your shoulders back and suck in your gut.  But then I find myself trying to walk around like that – often.

“Right,” the Lord chimed back in.  “That is hurting your body.  You are squeezing and twisting and no longer taking in full breaths.  I know, you don’t even realize it.”

“True.”

“Nonetheless, it is damaging.”

I had this vision of the cells and all of their little members trying to do their work.  They try to get through the doorways to bring in the nutrients, to pump in the oxygen, to draw out the toxins. But too often, the cells get stuck.  They try and try, but some doors have been twisted and jammed and they just cannot pry them open.  I’ve bent them too far one way or another.

“The same happens in your soul.  You suck it up, acting like things don’t bother you when they do.  You try to look less angry, less hurt.  Your lies are killing you there, too. And just like when sometimes you don’t even realize you’re holding your breath or sucking in your stomach (and feeling uncomfortable and hurting your insides), sometimes you don’t even know when your feelings are hurt or when something bothers you.”

“Oh.”  It’s true.

“But we’re working on that.”

I was reminded of the last conversation, when the Lord said he would help me to remove those filters.  I saw a vision of me in an enclosing, with prongs like those of a fork, hung in front of me.  This week I saw the Lord lift one, to help me reveal my true inner self – as I had given him permission to do.  A friend and I were talking and she commented on something I had shared that I regretted in my life.

“What?”  I questioned in disbelief at what I was hearing.

“You said that the other day.”   Oh, I thought, did I say that out loud?  Why yes, I believe I did. But to hear it said back to me was jarring.

Then the Lord showed me that vision, with one of the prongs being lifted.  Here we were with it happening.  I talked on into it, for the first time acknowledging that it (something I won’t disclose in detail) was something that hurt, something that was difficult to admit. It was a secret issue in which my inner self did not match what I portrayed on the outside.  I had never voiced it to anyone. . . until now.

That filter lifted, and I peeked through.  It initially felt very uncomfortable, but in the end, it is good.  It is truth.  It does not take anything away from me. It is just the way things were—the good, the bad and the . . other.

“I get it.”  I said to the Lord, and I felt a new-found peace.

“Yes, you do.   Now breathe deep.  Lift your arms and breathe.  See how your rib cage lifts and your body opens to take in more air?  It’s good to lift your arms – for praise, for trust, and for your health.  It is good.”

“Yes, it is good,” I said as I continued to raise my arms in praise and thanksgiving, and in deep breathing.  “It is good.”