This week I share with you Tip #5 from Ten Self-Care Tips: Looking for Sane Practices in Times of Insane Demands – Say it: No.

Yes, you’ve no doubt heard this advice many, many times by now: Learn to say no. Truly, it is not an easy word for us to say . . . well, for most of us. When we’re asked to do something, we want to feel appreciated. We don’t want to let a friend down. We think we should do something simply because we know how to do it (and our colleague doesn’t). We’ve got the time available, we’ve no excuse to say no. Plus, it feeds our ego to be asked (and then to swoop in to save the day). And simply, why not?

If we easily load our schedules and tax our energies with helping others meet their goals, maybe it’s because we’re not taking care of our own goals. Our own dreams and desires. When you’re tempted to act on a request, stop first and ask yourself a question: At the expense of what?  What is it on your own list that you are not carving out time for? In what way are you shortchanging yourself? Sabotaging your dreams? Think about that before responding to a request.

I often think of Glen, the board president of an organization where I used to work. He would often introduce me as the girl who can’t say no. Tongue-in-cheek, we both smiled and laughed about it. It was kind of a compliment (because I was always trying to rise to the occasion to save the day), but we both knew it was not totally a compliment either. I was not taking care of myself. I had no boundaries.

At the expense of what? Maybe you can’t identify an answer to that question. Perhaps you’ve so neglected your desires and dreams that you can’t even recall what they were, what they are. So you take care of the needs of others by default. If that’s you, stay tuned for Tip #6 next week. Meanwhile, practice saying it aloud: No. Nope. Not now. Not today. No way. No.