Sometimes change – any change – feels like loss and brings us grief. Grief is part of the human experience. We all carry it at one time or another, over one loss or another, to one degree or another. The loss may be of a loved one, a wonderful job, a dream that slipped away, or any number of things or situations big or small. Unfortunately, we have been taught to suppress feelings of grief, deny our tears, and reject sorrow. When we block grief and do not allow ourselves to feel the emotions, we harden. We grow numb. We make it hard, if not impossible, to move forward.

While I walked on the Camino de Santiago (Way of St. James) in 2019, I experienced grief over the loss of my husband. (See Keep Walking, Your Heart Will Catch Up). When I returned home I began to read and research grief, trying to understand what had happened inside me. The book The Wild Edge of Sorrow, by Francis Weller opened my eyes. I would love to quote many of the statements I highlighted as I read this book, but I’ll keep it to just this one from the Preface:

“For the most part, grief is not a problem to be solved, not a condition to be medicated, but a deep encounter with an essential experience of being human. Grief becomes problematic when the conditions needed to help us work with grief are absent. For example, when we are forced to carry our sorrow in isolation, or when the time needed to fully metabolize the nutrients of a particular loss is denied, and we are pressured to return to ‘normal’ too soon.”

As we finish 2022 and prepare for 2023, I invite you to reflect on what you are leaving behind. Have you any unfinished business? Any sense of loss or incompleteness tugging at your heart? Disappointments that you’re tempted to ignore? I encourage you to take some time to invite any lingering grief to make itself known to you. Listen to Yourself. Then give yourself time and space to verbalize it, maybe talk it over with a trusted friend, and maybe shed a few tears.

Then when the time is right . . . and only you will know when that is . . . take a step to bring some closure on that issue. Thank it for the part it has played in your journey, for the awareness and strength it has given you. Perhaps you will want to create a ritual for the process. Create a place for the experience to live in you in a healthy way, in welcomed peace.  That is what we will explore next week.